It feels like I’m drowning. Just like when I reach out and no one is there to grab my hand but just like my intuitive survival skills in the water, I float.
Last week, news about someone committed suicide hurt me. I didn’t know him. I felt the pain though. Someone who goes through depression and anxiety, it really is the silent killer. He was strong enough to make it this far.
Yesterday, I felt different. I felt a pain in my chest and sadness paralyzed my body. I couldn’t explain it. This morning, I woke up to find someone I know had passed away fighting cancer. I couldn’t stop crying.
My reflection is this; I’m a great floater. I feel great pain for all those that I’ve lost and the people that have touched my life and didn’t get to float through like I did. I’ve cheated death multiple times. I find this as a way of telling me I’m meant to live for a greater cause. I took this year to find myself in a positive light and I’ve lost myself again. My purpose is out there. I hope this touches people because I want you to float when you feel like drowning. This is proof that we can all have a bad day or two but you can always pick yourself back up. You don’t need to find purpose today or tomorrow, but when you do, that’s when you will know, your life was precious and all the downfalls and battles were worthwhile. I know what my purpose is, but for now, I need to find new and greater meaning and stop being selfish with my own personal needs.